TC 15: Loving Tegan
by Tegan's Muse
Summary: Falling in love is the easy part.  What happens after Tegan has to shoot an ex-boyfriend in the line of duty?
1. Chapter 1

**Tegan Chronicles**

**Loving Tegan 1**

Friday evening SG1 stepped back through the Stargate and Tegan went to find a phone as soon as Paige finished her post mission physical.

"Hello?"

"'ello." Tegan smiled at Janet's voice it had been a long week."

"How'd it go?"

"Fine."

"You heading home?"

"Yeah I think so." Her smile deepened. "Did Cassie make it back alright?" "She did, and she brought company. My parents flew up for the week."

"Well then, do you want me to stop by and get Shadow on my way home?"

"I'd actually like for you to go to dinner with us."

"They just got in, spend sometime with them. Maybe I can meet them briefly tonight and we'll do dinner another time."

"Are you avoiding eating?"

"I'm not avoiding anything," she paused. "In fact why don't you all come to dinner at my place tomorrow?"

"I was going to invite you for pot roast on Sunday."

"That'll look suspicious." Tegan rolled the coiled phone cord around her finger.

"Are you calling from my office?"

"Yeah," she sighed, "but we should finish this conversation in person. I need to shower and change before I stop by to get Shadow, is that alright?"

"Its fine, they ate a late lunch."

"I'll see you soon then." She waited for Janet to say goodbye before hanging up.

* * *

><p>"So where were we?" Tegan asked when Janet and Shadow met her in the driveway.<p>

"You were saying it would look suspicious." Janet raised an eyebrow, "and you inviting us for dinner isn't?"

"I like to cook." She shrugged before squatting to scratch Shadow behind the ears. "Was he good?"

"He missed you." She nodded as Tegan looked up at her. "I missed you. Oh, Cassandra told my parents I'm in love."

"With me?"

"No they haven't a clue, but as soon as dad saw me he knew she was right."

"I assume that's a problem." She stood back up.

"I don't care what they think."

"Yes you do." Tegan knew Janet was close to her family.

"Come to dinner." Janet asked one last time, changing the subject.

Tegan shook her head as Cassie ran out the door. "Tegan!"

"Let me know about tomorrow," Tegan said in a low breath before turning to the teen running toward her. "Cass, how was your trip?"

"It was a lot of fun." Cassie enveloped her in a big hug as Mr. and Mrs. Fraiser walked down the sidewalk.

"You must be Tegan, Cassandra talks about you and Sam all the time."

"Yes." Tegan took his outstretched hand and shook it firmly.

"Tegan this is my mom and my dad." Janet introduced them, "Mom, dad, Tegan."

"It's a pleasure to meet you both."

"Why don't you come to dinner with us?" Mrs. Fraiser extended the invitation.

"Actually, I already asked her." Janet spoke before Tegan could reply. "She just got back from a week long mission and says she's tired."

Tegan nodded her regrets.

"But she's invited us to dinner at her place tomorrow night."

"We don't want to be a bother."

"It would actually be my pleasure Mrs. Fraiser. I love to cook and rarely get the chance."

"Then we'd love too." Janet's mom graciously smiled.

Tegan rubbed her hand over her face. "I hate to leave just as the party is getting started, but it's been a long week and my bed is calling my name."

"Don't forget to eat." Janet sounded like a mother talking to her child.

"I'm going to pick up a salad and baked potato from Wendy's drive thru." She opened her door and waited for Shadow to climb in. "Seven tomorrow night?"

Janet nodded.

* * *

><p>"This is just wonderful." Janet's mom raved over the rice with chicken in a cream based broth, topped with Chinese noodles, pineapple, almonds and sprinkled with fresh coconut shavings. "What's it called again?"<p>

"Hawaiian haystacks, and thank you." Tegan smiled modestly. "I can write down the recipe if you'd like."

She nodded.

"So," Janet's dad spoke around a mouthful of food, "Tell us a little about your family."

"My team at work is pretty much my family, and of course Cassie." She winked across the table.

"What about your parents?"

"Dad." Janet gave him a smoldering look.

"My mom died in childbirth." Tegan pushed her plate back a hair, just enough that Janet knew she was finished eating.

"What about your father?"

"Harold!"

"What Jeanine, I'm just making small talk." He looked back at Tegan expectantly, ignoring both his wife and Janet.

Rather than give him the long drawn out answer, of not knowing who her real father was, she nonchalantly replied, "He's serving time for trying to kill me." She acted like it was an everyday occurrence as she slid her chair back. "I've got key lime pie for dessert."

"Sounds good," Janet stood up, "Can I help?"

"I don't want any, thank you." Cassie announced.

"I made you a batch of chocolate chip cookies." Tegan mirrored Cassie's grin.

"You're going to spoil her." Janet followed her into the kitchen.

"Everyone else does."

"Honestly Harold, do you always have to make a scene?" Jeanine's voice could be heard through the walls.

"Do you think they know?" Tegan kept her voice low so it couldn't be overheard.

"I told you before," Janet kissed her cheek; "I don't care."

"What would they say?"

"That I was crazy. That you had seduced me."

"Seriously Janet." Tegan cut the pie. "I don't want to come between you and your family."

"You didn't eat much tonight." Janet changed the subject as she put forks on the first two plates.

Tegan shrugged as she finished putting the pie on saucers before balancing two of them and a plate of cookies and followed Janet back to the dinning room.

Janet gave her parents the slices of pie she was holding before taking her own from Tegan. Cassie had already relieved her of the cookie plate.

"You only need three of those Cassandra."

When she didn't complain, Tegan smiled. "I've got a whole container you can take with you, but you have to share."

"Thanks." Cassie's smile crowded her features.

"So, Kiser," Harold started questioning again. "Is that German?"

"It is, but the line goes so far back I'm not sure how much German is left. My mother was Irish. Her family immigrated here when she was five, so I at least know some of her heritage. Maybe our ancestors were neighbors."

"What was her maiden name?" Jeanine asked before Harold could.

"McAllister, the same as my middle name." She looked over at Janet when she felt a hand on her knee.

"There are some McAllister's in Scotland," Harold finished off his pie. "My great grandfather came to America with a McAllister when they were eighteen, and they went into business together."

"Interesting." Tegan pretended to be curious while trying to ignore the drumming of Janet's fingers on her thigh.

"Yeah, it's a small world." Harold pushed his plate away. "Everything was delicious."

"Thank you."

"You'll have to come to dinner tomorrow night, Janet and I are cooking." Jeanine extended the invitation. "Actually I'm just over dessert, coconut cake."

"From scratch," Janet added as she pulled her hand away and picked up her drink.

"What time are we going to Mark's?" Harold asked.

"Mac's," Janet corrected. "Not until about nine thirty, Sam's going to come by the house around nine."

"You're not…" Tegan frowned.

"Oh come on, you're the best entertainment in town tonight."

"You're forgetting Paige, and I doubt we're the best. Certainly the cats in the back alley do just as well." Tegan stood up and started clearing the table. "I've got coffee brewing if anyone wants it."

Janet and her mother started helping.

"I've got these don't worry about it."

"It'll go faster if we lend a hand," Jeanine insisted.


	2. Chapter 2

**Tegan Chronicles**

**Loving Tegan 2**

"So Tegan." Harold broke into the din of chewing and forks scraping on plates, over Sunday dinner. "Cassie tells me you're not only a doctor but a pilot too."

"She's really smart Gramps."

"Well, yeah she told me that too." He smiled at her.

"Yes sir." Tegan picked up her glass of water.

"You don't have to call me sir, or Mr. Fraiser, Harold is just fine."

"Sorry, force of habit." She blushed lightly and glanced over at Janet who sat cattycorner to her. "I started premed when I was thirteen."

"She has multiple majors," Cassie added for good measure.

"Weren't quite sure what you wanted to be when you grew up?"

Janet's eyes shot daggers through him.

"Actually," Tegan sat her fork down, taking the question in stride, "I had a lot of time on my hands. I doubled up on classes and several overlapped for different majors. My intent was really only to learn everything I could while I had the time."

"But you don't really practice medicine, do you?" Jeanine held the bowl of mashed potatoes out for Harold to get a second helping.

"Well, I'm more of a pathologist, although I've done and still do medicine out in the field when I'm needed."

"She's published." Janet pointed out.

"So are you."

"New England journal of medicine hardly counts."

"Anyone can write a book, it takes something unique to make it in the journals." Tegan slid her empty plate back an inch. "Dinner was delicious."

"Thank you." Janet nodded.

"Yes it was wonderful." Harold wiped at his mouth with his napkin. "What do you like to do for fun, besides sing?"

"You have a wonderful voice, by the way," Jeanine stood up, "we didn't get a chance to talk to you after the performance last night. You are much too good of a singer to be doing bars like that though."

Tegan blushed, and wished she could just crawl under the table. "Thank you."

As Janet's mom cut and served the coconut cake she'd made that morning Tegan answered Harold's question. "I really like the out doors. I guess I'm an adventurer of sorts. I enjoy kayaking, hiking, snowboarding, surfing…"

"You've got to see the surf board she brought me back from Costa Rica. She even had two pro boarders sign it." Cassie started to jump up.

"You can show them after we have dessert and dishes are cleaned up." Janet stopped her, before turning to her dad. "Tegan is more of an adrenaline junkie, I'm actually surprised she didn't ride her bike over."

"You have a motorcycle?" Harold grinned. "Harley?"

"Ducati, it's an Italian sports bike company."

"Yes, I've heard of them before."

The rest of the evening went by with quiet conversation and at nine Tegan stood up and said her goodbyes. Janet stood with her, "I'll walk you out."

"It was really nice getting to know you both better." Tegan said goodbye to Janet's parents.

"Likewise," Jeanine smiled.

"Sorry about my dad." Janet apologized for his questions that had even covered whether she'd ever been married and if she planned on getting married and having a family of her own.

"Yeah, I didn't know it was going to be a barbeque and I would be the main course," Tegan teased. "It wasn't that bad."

"Seriously, you'd think I was sixteen and you were my twenty year old prom date." Janet turned and glanced over her shoulder before turning around and wrapping her hand around the back of Tegan's neck pulling her down until their lips met.

Tegan fell deeply into the kiss allowing herself to forget the stress of spending time with Janet's parents the last two nights. Sure they were great people, but they had asked too many questions, and she really hated all the attention.

Janet finally broke the kiss. "I guess I'll see you Tuesday."

Tegan wrinkled her brow. "You're not working tomorrow?"

"I didn't tell you?"

"No."

"I'm taking a day of leave to spend with my parents, and with the mission schedules tomorrow was the best day."

"In that case…" Tegan leaned forward stealing another breath taking kiss.

"Good night." Janet sighed when Tegan pulled away.

"I love you, with all my heart." She whispered as she pulled out her keys. "I'll see you Tuesday."

* * *

><p>Janet's dad was standing in the hallway when she opened the door. "We should take a walk Janie."<p>

Janie had always been his pet name for her as a kid, but she wondered why he had just used it with 'we should take a walk,' because taking a walk was never a good thing. "Ok, why don't we ask Cassie to come along?"

"Just you and me."

Janet turned around and let him lead the way. They walked side by side to the end of the block before he spoke. "Have you slept with her?"

"What?" Her heart skipped a beat.

"Have you had sex with her?" He got right to the point.

"No, and I'm…"

"I'm not going to lecture you Janie, you're an adult. Your marriage to Bill didn't work out. I understand, you've been lonely and along comes…"

"Don't say it Dad." She took her turn at interrupting. "She's not some vixen who seduced me. In fact, maybe you should be giving her this speech. She's still a virgin." She couldn't believe she just given that information to her dad. "But we just…"

"Fell in love." He finished when she didn't. "I know. I haven't seen you this happy in a long time. I mean you were happy about Cassandra and all, but this is different. The only problem is how do we tell your mom?"

"I'll let you handle that." She smiled.

"Oh no, that's your can of worms not mine." He hugged her. "I'm glad you're happy."

"Fraiser residence," Cassie picked up the phone late Monday afternoon.

"Hey kiddo, I need to talk to your mom."

"It's Tegan for you." Cassie handed the phone off.

"Hello?"

"Sorry, I know you're off and all, I just wanted to let you know we're leaving in twenty minutes for a search and rescue. SG7 is seventy-two hours overdue."

Janet sighed. "Be careful."

"You know me."

"Exactly, so please be careful."

"I will, and always remember what I told you last night."

"I will." She glanced over at her parents. "No goodbyes."

"Only see you laters." Tegan smiled. "Speaking of which I need to go, so I'll see you when we get back."

"What about Shadow?"

"Paige is keeping him tonight, you two can work it out from there if you want him. Otherwise she'll keep him 'til I get back."

"Alright, be safe."

Tegan hung up the phone and headed down to the gate room.

"What's going on between you two?" Janet's mom questioned when she hung up.

"Cassie, why don't you show me how to play those TV games?" Harold stood up with his coffee cup.

"They're video games." Cassie led the way.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not blind Janet."

"We're friends." Janet sat down and brushed imaginary crumbs off the table and into her hand.

"What's your father going to say? And what about Charles?"

"Charlie isn't going to care who I'm with as long as I'm happy, and neither is dad."

"So you are more than friends."

Janet hated when her mother did stuff like that.

"What grown women do behind closed doors is their own business, but you need to consider Cassandra."

"Cassandra is my daughter."

"I'm not trying to tell you how to raise her." Jeanine pushed her mug to the center of the table. "And I didn't say I disapprove."

"No mom, you didn't have to. Your tone said it for you."

"She's a beautiful girl, I can see why you think..."

"She's a woman, she's twenty-nine, and this goes so much deeper than that." She tried not to make this into a battle of the wits. "I don't expect you to understand."

"You'd be surprised." Jeanine's voice was full of regret.

"You and dad?"

"I love your father." She pushed her chair back and stood.

"But?"

"She seems like a really nice girl." She walked into the living room without answering Janet's question.


	3. Chapter 3

**Tegan Chronicles**

**Loving Tegan 3**

Friday Tegan stepped into the isolation room, where she'd been kept as a patient more times then she cared to recount. It was currently doubling as a temporary morgue for the Goa'uld formally known as Thanatos, who had inhabited for a short time the human formally known as Lieutenant Roberts. It was bad enough Colonel O'Neill had ordered Tegan to shoot the infiltrated member of SG7, but now General Hammond had requested she perform the autopsy.

Not that she normally wouldn't have jumped at the opportunity, but it wasn't everyday you kill a former co-worker turned Goa'uld and were asked to do the consequent autopsy. Not to mention she had dated Roberts just before she graduated from medical school, he was a senior in high school and subsequently joined the Air Force because of her, so she felt doubly responsible for his death. On top of it all, Daniel had informed her that Thanatos was the Greek God of death, how ironic.

Tegan looked down at the corpse in front of her, while reminding herself that was all it was… a corpse. She could do this. The ever consummate professional in her could do this. She took a deep breath and pulled her mask up over her nose. With a gloved hand she reached for a scalpel. Even through the layer of protective latex she could feel the cold steel as she held it between her thumb and middle finger, her index finger resting along the thin back.

She pressed the blade to his chest and glanced to his face. She'd danced with him. She'd had dinner with him. She'd even shot him. She refused to cry, but it was a battle.

"Kiser," Jack depressed the intercom button and spoke.

"Sir?" Without looking up she knew he was hovering at the observation window. All she had to do was start the Y incision and he would at least turn away, if not leave altogether.

"Are you ok to do this?" He motioned to the body with a flick of his wrist.

"I shot him didn't I?"

"That's not what I meant."

"It's my job sir." She continued to look away. She may have to talk to him as her commanding officer, but she didn't have to look at him. At least not right now. "I am capable of performing my job. Now if you don't mind."

She heard the intercom switch off as she pressed the scalpel into the skin. She could do this, she reminded herself before dropping the scalpel.

"You ok?" Janet asked as Tegan brushed passed her on her way out of the infirmary.

"Major?" Janet started to follow but was cut short by one of her med techs, who was delivering SG1's latest lab results.

"Sam, have you seen Major Kiser?" Janet stopped her in the hallway.

"Not since…" Sam looked down at her watch. "Several hours ago when we finished the debriefing with General Hammond. I thought she was going to do the autopsy?"

"She was, but disappeared about half an hour ago and I haven't been able to find her since."

"Lab?" A small frown creased Sam's forehead.

"I checked the main lab and hers. She's not in her quarters, and security says she hasn't left the complex." Janet and Sam reached the elevator bank as Teal'c stepped out. "Teal'c, have you seen Major Kiser?"

"She is in the gym attempting to kill racquet balls." He raised an eyebrow. "It is most amusing, but I am afraid she may lose an eye ball in the process."

"So who's winning?" Sam asked while holding the elevator open for Janet.

"I believe Major Kiser is." Teal'c canted his head to one side. "She has already caused two balls to explode."

"We'd better get down there." Janet thanked Teal'c for the information.

"I am going to find Colonel O'Neill. He wanted to know if Major Kiser started acting strangely."

"I think this qualifies." Sam nodded to Teal'c as she punched the elevator's button.

"What do you think that is all about?" Janet asked once the doors slid shut.

"Working off negative energy?" Sam shrugged. "You do know she's the one who pulled the trigger?"

"No." Both of Janet's eyebrows rose into her hairline. She suddenly wondered why an autopsy was needed at all.

"Yeah, Colonel O'Neill ordered her to shoot Roberts. She didn't want to, and it wasn't pretty."

"I imagine not." Janet stepped off the elevator and led the way into the gym. She wondered briefly why Tegan hadn't mentioned it during her post, but then she didn't remember Tegan saying much if anything. She noticed there was a small group gathered around the observation window to court one. "Looks like she's already got an audience."

**POW!**

Sam jumped as the sound of another ball exploding erupted through the exercise area.

"Every one clear out, you've seen enough." It was Jack's authoritative voice that boomed from behind them.

The airmen quickly scattered leaving Jack, Teal'c, Daniel, Sam and Janet to observe Tegan, who didn't seem to show any signs of tiring as she slammed the ball repeatedly into the wall. It was no wonder she was the best racquetball player on base. It was also clear why no one wanted to play her when she was in a foul mood.

Janet lurched forward to run in to the room when Tegan missed her footing and slammed into one of the walls. Jack was fully aware of Janet's response and pulled her up short, just as Tegan slung her racquet across the court and into the far wall. She retrieved the ball and threw it against the front wall with all her might, letting out an angry scream as she did so. She managed to duck out of the way as the ball whizzed past her right ear. It was so close she could feel it brush against the tiny hairs on the lobe, but it didn't deter her. She picked up her racquet as Sam opened the door.

"Looking for someone to play?" Sam picked up one of the busted balls, wondering how much force it took to actually rupture the hard rubber surface. "Or are you just up for a game of solitaire?"

Tegan swung her racquet through the air before picking up a fresh ball. When she stepped up to serve the ball, Sam closed the door and turned back to Jack. "I think she wants to be left alone."

"Tough." Jack walked over and jerked the door open. "Major!"

Tegan was diving for the ball and ignored his call as she connected with the ball.

"Major Kiser, stand down!"

She dropped her hands to her sides, her racquet still gripped firmly in her right fist.

"Are you alright?"

"Yes sir." She answered while artfully avoiding eye contact.

The last time she'd looked at him wasn't in the debriefing room, it was hours earlier when she stepped back into the gate room and shoved her gun into his chest before marching herself down to the infirmary without a word.

She'd been quite since her return, speaking only when she had to. In fact aside from the short conversation she'd had with Colonel O'Neill in the observation room, the only other time she'd actually spoken was when General Hammond 'requested' she do the autopsy on Roberts. It wasn't like he was really giving her a choice, Janet was going to be busy for a while with the post mission physicals and reports.

"Are you angry with me, Major?"

"No sir."

"Then look at me." Jack stepped forward.

Tegan brought her eyes up to meet his, her jaw set so tightly he could not only see the throbbing muscle under skin, but also the tendons flexed therein.

"Major."

"Sir?" Tegan ground out, barely opening her mouth to speak.

"I think you need to rest, maybe get away from base for a few days."

"No, sir."

"No?" His expression questioned.

"I've got work to do." Tegan broke eye contact.

"General Hammond has given SG1 downtime, Major."

"I am aware of that sir, but I have other responsibilities assigned to me." She glanced at her watch. "In fact I should be getting back to my slicing and dicing, sir."

Jack grimaced slightly at the coldness in her voice. "I think you need to get some rest first Major."

"It's amazing what a shower will do." Tegan proceeded to pick up her things and deftly walk past her teammates.

Janet was the first to recover and managed to snag Tegan's forearm. "Tegan, Colonel O'Neill is right, you need to rest."

"I've got a body waiting on me." Tegan pulled free.

"He's not going anywhere. He's dead." Daniel spoke before he could think better of it.

"I don't need to be reminded of that fact Dr. Jackson." Tegan spun on her heel to face the spectacled man, her eyes glowing brightly.

"Major?" Sam tried to step forward but was cut short by the glare directed her way.

"What part of fine, do you people not understand?" Tegan's nostrils flared with each inhalation.

"I will order you to rest if I have to, Major." Janet's tone threatened the way only a CMO and mother's could.

The cords in Tegan's neck expanded causing the blood vessels to stand out in stark blue tinted streaks against her fair skin. She slung her sports bag against the wall behind her and let out a grunt before quickly exiting the main gym and retreating to an empty stairwell.

"We need to find her." Janet turned to face what remained of SG1.

"I've never seen her act quite like that." Sam pointed out.

"It's a good sign her electrolytes are unstable, and there's no telling what could happen." Janet didn't believe Tegan could be so short tempered on her on volition. Not after all this time.

"Do you think she's a danger to anyone on base?" Daniel glanced at the discarded gym bag.

Janet shook her head, as Jack started to answer in the affirmative. "If she'd thrown her bag at one of us I'd say yes, but I don't think Tegan would ever willingly hurt anyone here. However, I think she could be in grave danger."


	4. Chapter 4

**Tegan Chronicles**

**Loving Tegan 4**

"Hey," Sam called out as she entered the locker room and heard the shower running. Tegan didn't answer and she waited for her to come out dressed in two white terry cloth towels. One was wrapped around her body the other was turbaned around her wet hair. "Janet wants to see you when you're done."

Tegan stepped into her changing area and started dressing. Sam waited patiently for her on the bench in the center of the room.

When she was finished dressing Sam followed her out of the locker room and down to the isolation room. "Janet wants…"

"She can wait." Tegan growled and pushed the door open to find the topic of conversation sitting there waiting for her. The autopsy table and body had been replaced with the hospital bed that was usually there. "Where's the body?"

"It's gone." Janet stood up. "The official report will be that he was shot in the line of duty. There is no reason to do an autopsy, and if the family finds out one was done it will raise suspicion. Besides, there's nothing to find anyway. I looked over the CT scan you ran, and there's no remaining sign of a symbiote. I've already spoken to General Hammond."

Tegan turned on her heel, at least she wouldn't have to add that one to the list of nightmares that plagued her memories.

"Tegan."

Tegan looked at Sam who stood in front of her, Janet's voice stopping her, she closed her eyes. "I don't want to talk about it."

"I want to get another set of labs." Janet wanted to wrap her arms around her and hold her.

Tegan gave a single nod.

"I'll meet you in the infirmary in a few minutes." Janet put her finger in the air indicating to Sam she wanted her to stay for a minute. Once Tegan had left she looked at Sam. "I need a really big favor."

"Sure, anything."

"My parents need to leave in two hours to catch their flight, I was going to leave early, but I have a feeling I may have to follow up with Tegan after I get her lab work back."

"I don't mind, and I can keep Cassie with me. In fact why don't you just let her spend the night with me?"

"She's spending the weekend with Heather, who just got back from spending six weeks with her grandparents. Are you sure you don't mind taking them?"

"Not at all."

"Thank you."

Janet walked back into the infirmary after calling her parents, with Tegan's lab results in hand. "Your potassium is three-point-five."

Tegan slid off the bed she was waiting on, and to her feet.

"Where are you going?"

"Home."

"Your potassium level is teetering on the point of disaster."

Tegan stared at her flexing her jaw as she clenched her teeth.

"What do you want me to do?"

"I want everyone to just leave me alone."

"I meant about your potassium level." Janet held the printout up. "If I write you a prescription will you take it?"

Tegan nodded.

Janet pulled out her prescription pad and scrawled out the order for oral potassium. She tore it off and handed it to Tegan. "If you need anything, Cassie's staying the weekend with a friend."

It was only a slight movement of her head, but enough that Janet knew she'd been heard before Tegan retreated down the hall.

* * *

><p>Janet was sitting on the couch when she saw the glow of a headlight turning into her driveway. She opened the door to find Tegan coming up the steps. "You want to talk?"<p>

Tegan shook her head and stepped into Janet's space the energy from her body causing Janet to step back and turn. Tegan moved in pushing Janet the last few inches until she was against the wall, without ever touching her. She placed a hand on either side of the wall and Janet's heart rate quickened just before Tegan leaned in and kissed her roughly on the lips.

Something was wrong. The kiss wasn't anything like the ones they'd shared up to this point. It wasn't just the roughness, it felt forced. Janet's eyes popped open when she heard the sound of a zipper, and before she could comprehend what was happening Tegan had pulled back and grabbed her hand pushing it under the elastic of her underwear.

"Take me." Tegan growled and tightened her grip as Janet tried to free her wrist. "This is what you wanted. Take me now."

"Tegan, stop." Janet's voice was commanding as she tried to take control of the situation.

Tegan released Janet's wrist and turned away.

"Look at me," Janet pled, but Tegan didn't respond. "This isn't the way I want this to go. I thought you needed to talk. But I'm not going to do this, not like this, not now."

Tegan pulled the amber bottle of potassium pills from her pocket and placed them in Janet's hand before retreating back to her motorcycle and peeling out of the driveway.

She wondered why Tegan had handed her the pills. Her immediate thought was she hadn't taken any and she wanted Janet to know of her defiance. The thought made her mad enough she could scream. Instead she went in to count the pills, there were two missing. Rather than deal with it tonight she decided to call Sam and see if she wanted to hang out at Mac's.

Janet couldn't remember the last time she'd gotten really drunk, and tonight she didn't care. It was the weekend, Cassie was away. She and Sam could call a cab if neither was in any shape to drive come last call. She ordered a beer and a shot of tequila, she didn't even like tequila. Jack, Daniel and Teal'c were at another table, and somehow silently they had decided to not join each other tonight.

As the waitress sat their drink orders down, Janet saw a shock of red hair walk in. It was Tegan wearing the same blue pigment dyed cotton shirt and faded low rider's that she'd had on earlier.

She immediately spotted Janet and Sam sitting at a table in the corner. No doubt they were talking about her. She wanted to go to Janet, but her pride wouldn't let her so she welcomed the guy who interrupted her trek in their direction. "Hey beautiful, let me buy you a drink."

She didn't like his greasy look, or the goose bumps that danced on her spine as he wrapped his arm around her and led her to the bar. But she didn't let that stop her from accepting his offer. "I'll take a coke, straight up."

"Don't you want something harder?" He grinned while his eyes traveled the length of her body.

"Is this scum bag bothering you?"

He turned to see Teal'c towering behind him, and threw a five on the bar. "I was just leaving."

Tegan watched as the creep retreated before looking around Teal's to see Jack and Daniel looking in their direction. "Did the Colonel put you up to this?"

"He did." Teal's bowed his head briefly. "Will you join us?"

"No, I won't," Tegan scoffed. "And tell him to mind his own business."

"I will." He nodded once before turning back to his table.

Tegan turned back to the bartender who sat her coke in front of her. "Designated driver again?"

"Nope, I'm on my own tonight." She watched Leroy glance from the guys' table to the one Sam and Janet occupied. "Guess I should find another bar when I want to get away, huh?"

"Well, it's slim pickings on this side of town. You've got me, and Drakes and Dames."

"Don't ask, don't tell, don't be seen in a gay bar." Tegan grinned lightly, as she reached for her wallet.

"It's paid for." Leroy slid the five off the bar.

"Maybe I'd have better luck across town."

"But then I'd miss the entertainment." Leroy frowned. "Besides, I think they'd just follow you."

"Probably," Tegan responded as he turned to another customer.

"Hey." A middle aged man with graying hair plopped down on the bar stool beside her. "Did I see you ride in on that yellow rocket?"

"You did." Tegan turned to meet blue eyes, and a broad smile.

"I'm Rod." He rubbed at his five o'clock shadow.

"Tegan."

"Nice to meet you Tegan." His smile widened. "How long have you been riding?"

"Nine years."

"Sweet." He was a little more discreet in checking her out, but Tegan could feel his scrutiny.

"You ride?"

"I do, a Honda CRB, and an Indian."

"I've got a friend who rides an Indian."

"Well," He leaned in closer, "I didn't sit here to talk to you about your friend."

"I see." She couldn't stop the blush from creeping up her face.

Rod checked his watch. "You interested in blowing this joint and grabbing a bite?"

She didn't even look back as she nodded. "I don't even know you."

"So is that a yes or a no?"

At least she had known what the other guy's intention had been from the start. With Rod, she wasn't so sure. He looked pretty clean cut, and she was level five hand to hand she could probably take him on. "Sure."

She slid her coke back and slipped gracefully off the stool.

"Tegan," Janet called to her as she started across the bar. Tegan turned to her just as she reached her. "Please don't."

Tegan looked at her for a few seconds before turning back to Rod. "Let's go."


	5. Chapter 5

**Tegan Chronicles**

**Loving Tegan 5**

Janet waited several minutes after she'd heard the reviving of an engine and the spinning of gravel before she turned to Sam. "I'm ready to get out of here, maybe Daniel or Jack can give you a ride home."

"I'm ready to go myself." She pushed the second half of her first beer away and followed Janet outside where they found Rob writhing on the ground in pain. "What the hell?"

"What did you do?" Janet demanded.

"What did I do?" He cried out. "My balls are the size of cantaloupes thanks to your friend, and I had to do something wrong?"

"Unless you want me to bust those cantaloupes wide open…" Janet threatened.

"I tried to kiss her and she went ape shit on me."

"She kicked you in the balls," Sam disagreed. "That's hardly going ape shit."

"Do you think she went home?" Janet asked as they got in her car.

"I don't know." Sam watched Janet search for her ringing phone.

"Tegan?" She hit the talk button.

"Yeah."

"Where are you?"

"Gas station, down the block."

"We're on our way."

When Janet pulled into the empty gas station she spotted Tegan's bike parked off near a dumpster and Tegan kneeling on the ground her head hidden by the edge of the large green container. One hand was supporting her body against the dumpster and the other appeared to be holding her stomach. When they got out of the car they could hear Tegan retching.

Her stomach kept revolting, she'd already brought up the few sips of coke she'd had and now she was trying to bring up her toe nails. She'd been ok until she thought about what had happened earlier and that just made her think about Lieutenant Roberts. Visions of her finger tightening on the trigger, Jack telling her to kill him, the bullet slicing through his neck with precision, and his body collapsing to the ground. Another round of heaves followed.

Janet pulled a couple bills from her pocket and handed them to Sam. "Can you get a bottle of water?"

Sam started across the parking lot and looked back to see Janet moving toward Tegan.

"I'm here." Janet squatted next to her.

"I'm sorry."

"Why?" Janet put her hand on her back.

"For the situation I put you in earlier." Tegan tried not to gag.

"It's ok."

"Thank you."

"For?"

"Not taking advantage of the situation." Tegan rocked back so she was sitting on her ankles. "I… he wanted to… I couldn't… I don't want to hurt you."

"I know."

"Oh, why am I such an ass?" Tears slid down her cheeks. "I love you."

The emphasis on 'you' didn't slip by Janet. "I know you do."

Tegan hugged her stomach as Sam came back out of the convenience store. She jogged over and handed the bottle to Janet. "Feeling better?"

Tegan nodded, and reached in her pocket pulling out her keys, she handed them to Sam.

Sam took the keys and looked at them while Janet broke the seal on the water and handed it to Tegan who steadied herself on the dumpster and she found her feet. She swished a mouthful of the cold water, spit it out and repeated. She handed the bottle back to Janet.

"What are these for?" Sam held the keys up.

"You can have it."

"I don't want it." Sam wondered why her mouth was saying what her brain told it not to say.

"I mean for now, tonight. You're still sober right?" She watched Sam nod. "Drive it home."

"And where are you going?" Janet asked curiously.

"Where ever you take me." Tegan pushed away from the dumpster and the smell of fresh emesis and started walking towards Janet's SUV.

"Base, check your labs." Janet mused aloud. "You just threw up, I'm sure that hasn't helped your potassium any."

"My lytes are fine." Tegan opened the door and crawled into the front seat sliding the seatbelt around her and listening to the gentle click.

Outside on the parking lot Janet talked to Sam for a minute, assuring her she would call if she needed help. She got in behind the wheel and Tegan inhaled her scent, there was something comforting in having Janet that close. "So where to?"

"You're driving," Tegan mumbled as if it didn't matter.

"I can take you home, or…"

"No, I don't want to be alone tonight."

Janet nodded and turned the engine over. "Fine, but you're taking a shower. You smell like garbage and vomit."

Tegan just nodded.

Tegan stood under the running water feeling the heat on her back. She closed her eyes for a second. Flashes of part of Roberts' brain exploding out the back of his head plagued her. She could smell the gun powder and sneezed, her eyes snapping open. Blood spattered the shower wall, her mind reeled. All she could think was she shot him.

"I shot him." She curled into a fetal position the water beating down on her head and running in tiny streams along her body and meeting up again at the angles of her elbows where steady streams fell to the floor of the shower intermingling with the larger flow of water that was following her spine.

"Tegan?" Janet knocked on the door, she'd been in there with the water running for twenty minutes. "Tegan!"

She jiggled the doorknob, it was locked. She made a mental note to replace the knobs with non-locking ones as she ran downstairs to find an ice pick. With in a minute she was back up stairs and after fumbling once managed to get the door open. "Tegan?"

She pulled the curtain back to find her pale friend curled in a ball and holding her hands over her head. Her body pulled into it's self as tightly as possible. There was blood on the faux tile surround, and the water that had once been hot was now cold and left goose bumps in its wake. Janet reached over and cut the water off before pulling a thick terry cloth towel out and wrapping it around Tegan's back and shoulders.

"I killed him." Strange green irises full of emotion glanced up at Janet from behind red puffy eye lids. "I killed him."

"You were following orders." Janet got the story first hand from Colonel O'Neill after she'd written the prescription for Tegan.

"I'm cold." Her teeth chattered.

"I know." Janet glanced at the blood again. "Let's get you dry and in some clothes."

Tegan let Janet help her to her feet and even let her help her dry off and put on a t-shirt and underwear, before she slipped underneath the covers.

Janet sat beside her and pushed her damp hair off her forehead. "Where did the blood come from?"

"I killed him."

"No, the blood in the shower. Where did it come from?"

"I," she thought for a second. "I sneezed."

Janet turned her head as the doorbell rang, it was after ten.

"Go."

Janet walked downstairs and looked through the peephole before opening the door. "Colonel?"

"Where is she?" He stepped past her. "Carter said you probably brought her here."

"She upstairs…" She didn't get a chance to say in her bedroom, or anything else before he was taking the stairs two at a time. She closed the door and quickly followed.

"Kiser," He spoke as he entered the room.

"Don't Kiser me, I'm not on duty." She would have thrown off the covers and walked out had she been wearing more than just underwear and a t-shirt.

"Listen to me Tegan." He walked up and sat in the same spot Janet had vacated moments ago.

"Why did you have an epiphany while you were drinking?"

"As a matter of…" He paused. "Look you can be mad at me all you want but you're the one who took an oath when you joined the Air Force. An oath to support and defend the constitution of the United States against all enemies foreign and domestic, 'no matter the foe we are ready, even if he arises among us.' Now despite the fact that in your mind you think you killed Roberts, he was as good as dead the minute that Goa'uld entered his body."

She closed her eyes and was surprised when she felt Jack pull her into an embrace.

"You saved your team, he would have killed us. He was trying to kill you."

She sighed into his shoulder, "I know but he was my friend."

"No, the guy who went on that mission was your friend, the one you shot wasn't." He felt something wet on his shirt. "Are you crying on me Kiser?"

"No sir," She pulled back slowly, "but my head hurts."

"Shit, your bleeding." He turned to look at Janet who'd been standing in the doorway witnessing the interaction.


	6. Chapter 6

**Tegan Chronicles**

**Loving Tegan 6**

Janet moved over beside them, as Tegan lifted her fingers to her nose. "It's nothing."

Jack made eye contact with Janet.

"I've got a scope in the den, let me grab a slide and we'll just be sure."

"It's gone Janet, it's not." Even with what she was saying she kept her voice calm, her insides felt all wiggly though. "It can't be."

"It's easy enough to rule out, ok?" Janet looked back at Jack. "Do you mind staying here?"

"No, I've got no where I need to be."

"Where's Shadow?" Tegan looked around the bedroom almost as if she was still coming out of a daze.

"Did you take him home after work?" Janet paused in the doorway.

"Yeah." She responded slowly as the light bulb clicked. "This isn't all just a bad dream, huh?"

"No." Jack shook his head. "Does Carter have a key to your place?"

"She's got all of her keys right now." Janet answered looking worriedly over Tegan.

"Go get the slides. I'll call Sam and see if she minds going to get him." Jack reached for the phone.

Tegan drifted off to sleep while Janet was still checking the slides with blood from her nose and a finger prick. When she came back to the bedroom Jack was sitting on the floor with his back against the bed, Tegan was lying facing him with one arm hanging over the edge. He looked up at her expectantly.

Janet shook her head no as he pushed to his feet and joined her in the hall. "It was clear, no nanocytes or anything abnormal."

"What do you think caused it?"

"You said earlier Roberts used a ribbon device on her?"

Jack nodded.

"I'm guessing here, but it's possible it's delayed trauma from that in conjunction with all the trauma Nirrti inflicted in the same area. Or it's just coincidental and it's a bloody nose of the normal everyday variety."

"Let's hope."

"So what made you come over tonight?"

"I just remember what I went through after I had to kill Kowalski and what I had to remind myself of to get through it."

"Thanks."

Jack nodded. "Sam said she was going to keep Shadow and to give her a call in the morning. You can also call me if you need anything."

"Thank you Colonel."

"I'll see myself out."

Janet woke with a start as the sunlight hit her face, the bed felt empty but when she opened her eyes she saw Tegan facing her. Her eyes were closed, and Janet watched the rhythmic rise and fall of her chest, counting her respirations out of habit. She looked so peaceful compared to the last twenty-odd hours. She watched her for several minutes, her hair feathering out over a hand that was sandwiched between her face and the pillow. It was then that she noticed something dark making its way out of Tegan's right nostril. She reached over to the night stand and grabbed several tissues, as she held them to Tegan's nose she began to stir. "It's ok, your nose is bleeding."

"Again?" Tegan covered Janet's hand taking the tissues and rolling onto her back as she opened her eyes.

"How did you sleep?"

"Pretty good, I don't remember anything after you came back in with the slides." Her brow wrinkled for a second. "I guess since I'm still here it was clear?"

"Yeah it was."

"Ribbon device?"

"That was my theory." Janet offered a small smile. "Are you hungry?"

"No." Tegan shook her head as she pulled the Kleenex away. She looked at her watch it was almost nine-thirty.

"I'm going to go get a shower." Janet threw back the covers.

* * *

><p>"I thought you weren't hungry?" Janet eyed the orange juice, banana, and blender sitting on the counter.<p>

"I'm not." Tegan moved to the freezer to get ice, she was still in panties and a t-shirt from the night before. "Want one?"

"What are you making?"

"A banana and orange juice smoothie."

"I think I'll stick with oatmeal."

"Suit yourself." Tegan tossed the ingredients in and began blending them as Janet moved around her to start a pot of coffee. "You're out of filters. I was going to brew some for you."

"Dad must've used the last one Friday." Janet let the cupboard door fall shut, and opted for a diet coke to go with her oatmeal.

"So," Tegan poured the smoothie into a glass and started cleaning the blender, "how'd the week go?"

"It went fine." Janet glanced over at Tegan while her water heated. "They know about us."

"Really?" Tegan put the blender upside down to dry and took her smoothie to the table. "How'd that happen?"

Janet relayed the conversations pretty much verbatim.

"I'm thirty," Tegan reminded her.

"That's right, you're getting old." Janet teased.

"Which makes you older." Tegan sat her empty glass down. "What do you think your mom meant when she said 'you'd be surprised'?"

"I don't know." Janet shrugged and pushed her bowl back.

"Do you think maybe she was in love with a woman once?"

"No." Janet thought back to her mom's expression and her tone. Could she have been? "I mean, I don't know. I guess anything's possible."

"Yeah." Tegan's countenance fell.

"What?" Janet reached out and took her hand.

"Why do you put up with me? I'm a total pain in the ass, and I never put out."

"Is that all you think I want?" She didn't wait for an answer. "What I want is Tegan Kiser, with all her flaws and her baggage. And the sex? Honey if I was in it for the sex I'd have hired a prostitute by now. I don't care if we ever get to that point, well maybe on some level, but it's not the important part. The important part is I love you, I want you. All of you, just as you are."

"But…" Tegan looked away tears brimming in her eyes.

"But what?"

"I don't deserve you."

"No, you deserve better."

"That's not what I meant." She looked back at Janet who was smiling.

"But it is what I meant." Janet pulled her into her arms almost pulling Tegan off her chair. "You need…"

"To take my potassium." Tegan finished for her. "I know."

"So why did you give it to me last night?"

"You don't want to know." Tegan extracted herself from the embrace.

"Yes I do."

"No, trust me you don't." She looked into Janet's eyes and sighed. "I didn't want to wake up in the middle of the night and have a whole bottle of potassium sitting there calling my name."

"Would you have taken it?"

"There's no telling what I would have done yesterday."

"And now?" Janet almost didn't want to hear her answer.

"I've got things back in perspective."

"You know I didn't turn your advances away because…"

"I know, I wasn't in a good place, and I really don't know what came over me." Tegan twisted the child proof cap off and tapped out two pills. "Forgive me?"

"Do you even have to ask?"

* * *

><p>Tegan propped herself up on her elbow and felt the chill of the air conditioner as the vent blew cold air down on her slick body. She smiled and tucked Janet's hair behind her ear. "I thought you said you'd never been with a woman?"<p>

"And I could say I thought you were a virgin." Janet grinned, knowing from her exams Tegan truly had been a virgin. "It seems I wasn't the only one paying attention in anatomy class."

Tegan blushed. "That was… wonderful."

"Yes, it was," Janet agreed.

It had been a week since she'd shot Lieutenant Roberts and while she didn't talk about it, she seemed to be doing better. She'd gone back to work on Wednesday, and even went to the shooting range on Thursday.

It was also Cassie's last weekend before she started high school, and she begged her mom to let her spend the night with Gillian who had invited a few friends for an end of the summer bash. Janet thought Julie was a better mother than her, because she would never allow three to four teenage girls stay an entire weekend. It didn't take much persuasion and Janet in turn invited Tegan over for dinner and a movie Friday night. One thing led to another and they found themselves completely naked in Janet's bedroom exploring each other. Janet had given Tegan every opportunity to stop at any point along the way. Now as they lay in the dimly lit room covered in a thin sheen of perspiration, they were both glad she hadn't.

Tegan traced her hand over Janet's body, feeling her react to her feather light touch. Her hand stopped over Janet's stomach and rested over her belly button.

"Are you sore?"

"A little, but it's a good thing."

"Yeah." Janet nestled her head against Tegan's chest as she lay back on the pillows. "Any regrets?"

"One."

Janet's heart skidded to a stop. She breathed out tentatively, "what?"

"That I didn't let you do that sooner." Tegan's smile increased as she placed a gentle kiss in Janet's hair before settling back, content to just hold her as they drifted off to sleep.


End file.
